On Matrescence, the Transition into Motherhood

Photo of the author holding a baby and looking into the distance

A few days ago, I stumbled across a New York Times article from last year called The Birth of a Mother.  The piece discusses matrescence — the transition into motherhood — and some of the common emotional challenges experienced by new mothers.  I could relate to much of what was in the article, particularly the part about ambivalence.

In my experience, few new mothers talk about these things openly.  Our society tends to focus far more on the baby than the mother, and once birth has occurred, we expect mothers (and fathers) to be themselves again in no time.  Many women internalize these unrealistic expectations, and they hide the disappointment they inevitably feel because they believe they are supposed to be feeling pure joy.

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Capturing Little Bits of Time

Photo of a breast pump on a desk in front of a window

In the early weeks of motherhood, my days followed roughly this pattern:  breastfeed or pump milk for 20-30 (sometimes as long as 45) minutes; wash bottles, eat, change diaper, do laundry, and/or sleep all within the next hour and a half; repeat.  Oh, and try to spend some time with the baby somewhere in there.  I tracked my pumping frequency and output for my lactation consultant.  As an example, on February 27 of this year, I pumped at 12:15 AM, 2:30 AM, 5:15 AM, 7:45 AM, 10:15 AM, 1:15 PM, 3:00 PM, 5:15 PM, 7:15 PM, and 9:00 PM.  (If you haven’t had a baby and are under the mistaken impression that maternity leave is a restful vacation, think again.)

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Quote of the Week

“I don’t think that fear is the problem.  I think the problem is that we often don’t know what to do with our fear.  We don’t know how to acknowledge it for what it is — which is a feeling which might be giving us some information about the world, but it’s also giving us information about ourselves.”

–Kim Brooks, in an interview with NPR

Black-and-white monotype of studio interior

I’m Happy to Be a Working Mother. Really.

High-heel shoes and a watch next to a teddy bear and play mat

Now that I’m back at work post-maternity-leave, well-meaning friends, family members, and colleagues ask me how it’s going, often with a look of sympathy in their eyes.  I think some of them expect me to say I’m exhausted or I wish I could stay at home.  Several have voiced their assumptions in the form of questions: It’s tough, isn’t it?  Don’t you just want to cry when you get those texts with pictures of your little one?

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