Some Upsides of Social Distancing, Part I

Black and white photo of a toddler walking up stairs in a hillside

Here in my relatively isolated part of Tennessee, I’ve been doing the social distancing thing for about four weeks now. While my daily life has shifted drastically, I’m very lucky that I continue to have a steady salary, have not contracted the coronavirus, and have not lost any loved ones to COVID-19. I acknowledge that I write this post from a place of significant privilege, and my heart goes out to the many, many people who are suffering terribly because of the pandemic.

For the fortunate folks like myself, I think it helps to look on the bright side as much as possible. Adapting to this new (temporary) normal was challenging, and several weeks ago, I felt a lot of fear and anxiety. But I’ve settled into my current way of life, and it’s really not so bad. There are things that I miss, of course, but there are also significant secondary benefits to social distancing. In this series of posts, I’ll highlight some of the good things, as I see them. (I’m taking these a few at a time because finding the quiet time and focused energy to write long blog posts is is difficult now that I’m working from home with a toddler.)

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My Kid is Wearing a Store-Bought Halloween Costume, and I’m 100% OK With That

Giraffe costume in plastic bag and plastic pumpkin bucket on a chair

There’s a scene in Season 3 of the CBC show Workin’ Moms where PR executive Kate’s lawyer husband Nathan agrees to shift his schedule to take care of their toddler son while Kate flies to another city to make a last-minute pitch to a client. The trade-off, Nathan tells Kate, is that she has to take care of the child’s costume for the preschool Halloween recital, which Nathan had previously agreed to handle. Discussing all this on the phone, Nathan says to Kate, “You’re not going to buy him one of those costumes-in-a-bag, are you?” To which Kate responds, somewhat tongue-in-cheek, “What kind of mother do you think I am?” She ends up trying to fashion a costume from a hotel pillowcase and toilet paper rolls in the wee morning hours before catching her flight back home. She arrives at the recital late and interrupts the event to run across the stage and place the ridiculous-looking costume over the head of her son, who is already sitting on the stage among his creatively costumed peers.

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4 Great Books for New Parents

Profile of newborn lying in bed, looking at parent off to the side and holding parent’s hand

There is no shortage of pregnancy and parenting advice out there. With numerous books, blogs, podcasts, classes, and tips from friends, family members, and experts, all offering often conflicting advice, sifting through it all can be overwhelming. I wanted to be well-informed as I prepared to welcome my son into the world, but I also understood that no amount of reading would prepare me for what I was about to experience.

Nevertheless, I did my best to educate myself on pregnancy and caring for a baby. Here are a few books I read that were informative and helpful. They are all available in audiobook format, and I believe I’ve listened to each of them at least twice. If you are an expecting or new parent and aren’t sure where to begin, I’d recommend starting with these.

Pregnancy: Expecting Better: Why the Conventional Pregnancy Wisdom is Wrong and What You Really Need to Know by Emily Oster

Parenting: Brain Rules for Baby: How to Raise a Smart and Happy Child from Zero to Five by John Medina

Parenthood and Commiseration: All Joy and No Fun: The Paradox of Modern Parenthood by Jennifer Senior

Productivity and Motivation: I Know How She Does It: How Successful Women Make the Most of Their Time by Laura Vanderkam

What books helped you in your transition into parenthood? Tell us in the comments.

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Parenting a Young Child: The Good Stuff

A toddler crouched down to touch some gravel
My 14-month-old son playing behind our house

If you have children, are thinking of having children, or are at an age where many of your friends have young kids, you are probably bombarded with articles and essays about how difficult parenting is and the toll it takes on parents (especially mothers). News organizations and niche websites are constantly reminding us of how much sleep we lose and how much stress we’re under (while simultaneously piling on heaps of parenting advice, continually reminding us of all the things we should be doing). And it’s true — being responsible for keeping a mostly helpless developing human alive and engaged can be challenging. For example, I spent a substantial part of this past Sunday night listening to my one-year-old uncharacteristically screaming and crying for no discernible reason while I tried unsuccessfully to console him, which made Monday morning even more of a struggle than normal. (The same scene played again on Monday night, so Tuesday was pretty rough too.) Sleep and relaxation are cherished luxuries these days, and I’m carrying the mental load of having to plan and remember a lot more stuff than I once did.

I think there’s a danger, though, in focusing too much on the burdens of raising young kids. Most of us have children because we wanted to have children. Parents are fond of telling expectant parents that they have no idea what they’re in for (“You think you’re tired NOW? Just wait!”), and that may be true to an extent, but it applies just as much to the positives as to the negatives. I’ve heard many a parent say that they never knew they could love someone so fully until they had a child. To counter the rampant complaining about parenting woes circulating the internet, I’d like to take a few minutes to reflect on the ways in which my son has enriched my life and helped me to grow.

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