As another Thanksgiving draws to a close, I thought I’d take a moment to reflect on some of the things for which I am thankful this year.
Read moreSeven Things I’m Thankful For This Year
Tag: Motherhood
Family Traditions: Remembering Old Ones and Building New Ones
As we head into the holiday season, I’ve been thinking about family traditions. Growing up, my family didn’t have a lot of traditions, but the ones we did have were meaningful. As an adult reflecting back on my youth, my memories are largely organized around those traditions, and they help me feel more connected to my family.
Read moreMy Kid is Wearing a Store-Bought Halloween Costume, and I’m 100% OK With That
There’s a scene in Season 3 of the CBC show Workin’ Moms where PR executive Kate’s lawyer husband Nathan agrees to shift his schedule to take care of their toddler son while Kate flies to another city to make a last-minute pitch to a client. The trade-off, Nathan tells Kate, is that she has to take care of the child’s costume for the preschool Halloween recital, which Nathan had previously agreed to handle. Discussing all this on the phone, Nathan says to Kate, “You’re not going to buy him one of those costumes-in-a-bag, are you?” To which Kate responds, somewhat tongue-in-cheek, “What kind of mother do you think I am?” She ends up trying to fashion a costume from a hotel pillowcase and toilet paper rolls in the wee morning hours before catching her flight back home. She arrives at the recital late and interrupts the event to run across the stage and place the ridiculous-looking costume over the head of her son, who is already sitting on the stage among his creatively costumed peers.
Read moreParenting a Young Child: The Good Stuff
If you have children, are thinking of having children, or are at an age where many of your friends have young kids, you are probably bombarded with articles and essays about how difficult parenting is and the toll it takes on parents (especially mothers). News organizations and niche websites are constantly reminding us of how much sleep we lose and how much stress we’re under (while simultaneously piling on heaps of parenting advice, continually reminding us of all the things we should be doing). And it’s true — being responsible for keeping a mostly helpless developing human alive and engaged can be challenging. For example, I spent a substantial part of this past Sunday night listening to my one-year-old uncharacteristically screaming and crying for no discernible reason while I tried unsuccessfully to console him, which made Monday morning even more of a struggle than normal. (The same scene played again on Monday night, so Tuesday was pretty rough too.) Sleep and relaxation are cherished luxuries these days, and I’m carrying the mental load of having to plan and remember a lot more stuff than I once did.
I think there’s a danger, though, in focusing too much on the burdens of raising young kids. Most of us have children because we wanted to have children. Parents are fond of telling expectant parents that they have no idea what they’re in for (“You think you’re tired NOW? Just wait!”), and that may be true to an extent, but it applies just as much to the positives as to the negatives. I’ve heard many a parent say that they never knew they could love someone so fully until they had a child. To counter the rampant complaining about parenting woes circulating the internet, I’d like to take a few minutes to reflect on the ways in which my son has enriched my life and helped me to grow.
Read moreOn Matrescence, the Transition into Motherhood
A few days ago, I stumbled across a New York Times article from last year called The Birth of a Mother. The piece discusses matrescence — the transition into motherhood — and some of the common emotional challenges experienced by new mothers. I could relate to much of what was in the article, particularly the part about ambivalence.
In my experience, few new mothers talk about these things openly. Our society tends to focus far more on the baby than the mother, and once birth has occurred, we expect mothers (and fathers) to be themselves again in no time. Many women internalize these unrealistic expectations, and they hide the disappointment they inevitably feel because they believe they are supposed to be feeling pure joy.