A beautiful bouquet of birthday sunflowers I received from some good friends
Today is my 35th birthday. (How did that happen? Wasn’t I just 15?) I’m now the age my mother was when I was born. I don’t know why that seems significant to me, but it does.
My life looks very different now than it did at 30. I have a different job and live in a different place (a home I own rather than rent). I’m married and have a son. My father is no longer here. I’m debt-free except for my mortgage and have made great progress saving for long-term goals. I’m no longer painting and selling my art; instead, I have this blog.
If you follow me on Facebook or Instagram, you know that I recently spent two weeks in Ireland with my 17-month-old son and husband. We had an amazing trip — the weather was perfect, the Irish landscape is serene and breathtaking, and we interacted with lots of history and had some awe-inspiring adventures. Our first time traveling with a baby internationally was a success!
This was my son’s first time flying, but it wasn’t our first time traveling with him. When he was six months old, we went to Destin, Florida for a week, which is about eight hours by car from our home (longer when you factor in the flat tire we got on the way there, on top of the usual necessary stops). He’s also taken several overnight, weekend, and long weekend trips to places like Nashville, Tennessee; Beaufort, South Carolina; Wilmington, North Carolina; central Virginia; and south central Pennsylvania. Each of these trips occurred at different stages in his growth and development, so the preparations and strategies were a little different for each one. They all went relatively smoothly, though, or at least the difficult parts don’t stand out in my memory. Read more
Anyone who knew me when I was younger would surely tell you that I did not have an innate interest in fashion. One of my good friends from high school followed all the trends, knew what brands celebrities were wearing, idolized Carrie Bradshaw, and aspired to a career in fashion merchandizing. I occasionally picked up bits of knowledge from her, but otherwise, I was pretty clueless. I bought most of my clothes from the clearance racks at places like Kohl’s. As a result, I often dressed more like a grandmother than a stylish teen or 20-something. When I interviewed for my first post-college job, I wore a too-tight ivory suit from Target, and one of the interviewers kindly told me afterward that I had neglected to clip the “X” of thread at the back hem of the skirt that held the two pieces of the slit together. When I had to attend business professional events in college, I didn’t own an actual suit, so I paired non-matching black pants with a black blazer in a completely different fabric (although in retrospect, perhaps they were different enough that I actually pulled this off despite not knowing any better). Read more
I typed this list into my phone early one morning while I was laying in bed and had a moment of clarity. It was 7:14 AM on Monday, January 16, 2017, Martin Luther King Day, before I was a mother and almost exactly a week after I started this blog. I don’t recall exactly, but I think I was writing this list as a guide for myself, based on lessons I’d learned but of which I sometimes needed reminding. It wasn’t well thought-out and I haven’t edited it, but I think it contains some gems of wisdom that are worth sharing, even if I don’t always follow all of these suggestions myself. You’ll probably notice themes that have appeared in other posts I’ve written.
How to Love your Life:
Be grateful for what you have
Get comfortable in your own skin; appreciate what your body does for you and realize that there’s no such thing as perfect
Forgive yourself for your past decisions and actions; understand that things you did and said in your youth were influenced by childhood experiences
Remember that this is the only life you get and it can end at any moment
Go to therapy. If you aren’t already living a life you love, you can probably benefit from talking to a therapist. There are likely things holding you back that you don’t realize. A therapist can help you see them and work through them.
Do something to benefit others
Make time for your hobbies. If you don’t currently have a hobby, think about what you loved doing when you were younger, or try something new.
Try something new. Variety, adventure.
Realize that your reactions to other people often say more about you than about them. When someone frustrates you, angers you, or annoys you, ask yourself why. Are your reactions valid? Are they based on objective truths? Does your response benefit anyone, or will it only make you and others feel worse?
To this I would add: If you aren’t living a life you love right now, make a change. It could be a big, scary change that will really shake things up, but even a small change will do. Just don’t allow yourself to stay stuck for too long. Your time here is limited, and really, what’s the worst that could happen if pursue the most amazing life you can imagine for yourself?
“There is freedom waiting for you, On the breezes of the sky, And you ask “What if I fall?” Oh but my darling, What if you fly?”
― Erin Hanson
Thanks, as always, for reading. If you enjoyed this post, please share.
Happy Mother’s Day! I thought this day would be an appropriate time to revisit the topic of my adoption and my two mothers: the one who carried me and gave birth to me, and the one who raised me. After my first two posts on being adopted, I received some feedback that they painted adoption in an overly negative light. To the contrary, adoption is very often the best solution to incredibly difficult problems. The fact that it is an imperfect solution does not mean we should avoid it or that we shouldn’t relish the many joys it brings. I am grateful to both of my mothers for the choices they made and the role they played in my life. I would not have lived the life I have lived, and I would not be the person I am, had it not been for both of these women.
I had always been curious about my biological family. In my early adult years, I took some half-hearted steps toward finding them, like adding my name and birthdate to online registries. It wasn’t until I was 22 or 23, though, that I started really seeking information about them. Read more
