A reader recently asked me to do a post on goal setting, and it’s a topic that’s been on my list for a while, so I’m happy to oblige!


Looking back at stages in my life when I felt like I was underperforming or not living up to my potential, they were pretty much all times when I lacked a vision for where I wanted to go and specific goals I wanted to meet. Goal-setting in school was fairly easy because the structure of formal schooling involves a lot of clear steps and numeric measures. There are external expectations that you can strive toward: get an A on the next test, achieve a certain score on the SAT, rank high in your class, get into college or graduate school, secure an internship, etc. I was a people-pleaser when I was younger, and I was motivated to check those boxes, get the associated praise, and feel like I was in control and doing well.


The problem, of course, is that when you get out of school, there are infinite possibilities of what your life can look like and fewer people pushing you along clearly defined paths. So you have to decide what you want for yourself, and for some of us, that isn’t easy. I felt like I was wandering aimlessly for most of my 20s, making decisions based on whatever seemed reasonably appealing at the moment, with little idea of where I was going in the long run. I dabbled in many interests, considered numerous career paths, and didn’t challenge myself as much as I could have because I just didn’t feel all that driven toward any specific set of goals or ideals.


Of course, I had met small and large goals throughout my life, which had given me confidence in my ability to do the things I set my mind to. I had killed it in college and law school (which was by no means a sure bet for this first-generation college student), and I had gotten my out-of-shape body to the point where I could run 4 miles without stopping (ok, it’s not a marathon, but it was a pretty big deal for me). I’ve left many projects unfinished in my life, but I’ve also completed a number of projects that I didn’t have to do. Throughout my adolescence and early adulthood, the biggest difficulty for me was simply knowing where to focus my attention. Because I wasn’t working toward any big vision, a made a number of little impulsive decisions and spent a lot of time and money on things that didn’t leave me feeling very fulfilled or culminate in what I perceived as significant wins.


Then, when I was 28 or 29, I suddenly realized that despite earning a decent salary, I had accumulated a bunch of debt. In addition to a student loan balance that felt almost hopeless, I had thousands of dollars of credit card debt and was paying a substantial sum to my ex-husband each month toward my obligation from our property settlement (even in the most amicable scenarios, divorce is expensive, y’all). Staring at the negative numbers on my computer screen literally brought me to tears one day. But I looked at my lawyer salary and at all the line items on my recent credit card statements, and I thought, I can do better than this. In my entire adult life, I’d never had a positive net worth, but I knew I had to get there.


So I crunched the numbers and made a plan. I vowed to stop using my credit cards until I had paid them off completely, looked into transferring the balances to cards with zero-interest introductory rates, and figured out how much I could throw at the balances each month. I started checking my accounts regularly and got excited to make payments. Little by little, I watched the numbers come down until the balances were gone.


From there, I set new goals. Being in school and switching jobs a few times had given me a late start on saving for retirement, so I knew I had to tackle that too. I set up a Roth IRA and started making regular contributions. I paid a little extra toward my student loans each month. I set up separate savings accounts for specific things I’d need and want. I made specific, measurable goals for myself, with concrete plans for meeting them, and I watched the numbers fall into place. A few years later, I’m now in the best financial shape of my life, and I’m so much more disciplined with my money than I ever was before. I’ve managed to buy a house, pay for IVF, buy a car, and tackle even more big financial goals, all while eliminating my debt aside from a reasonable mortgage. The thought of being in debt again is an idea I can’t bear, so I have promised myself to do what it takes to live within my means from here on out.


Setting and achieving these goals has created great momentum in my life. Now that I’m in a good financial situation, I’m focusing on other goals. I’ve done a lot of soul-searching over the past couple of years about what I want my life to look like and what I want to accomplish. This is key to setting meaningful goals that you’ll be driven to achieve. You need to have a clear idea of what you’re working toward and why you want it. Without a strong why, you’re too likely to give up when the going gets tough, and it almost certainly will.


So before you start setting goals for yourself, do some daydreaming. Turn off your inner naysayer and forget reality for a second. If you could have any life you wanted, what would your life look like? What would you do every day? Where would you be, and who would be with you? How would your body look and feel? What have you always wanted to do but haven’t because of a lack of funds or other obligations? Really allow yourself to picture what could be possible for you — and if it’s possible for someone else, it’s possible for you too.


Now that you’ve done the big thinking, it’s time to narrow your focus. What sphere of your life could most benefit from a big transformation? What area is most important to you right now? Is it your career, your health, your relationships, your finances, your home? For now, choose just one area. Once you achieve your goals in one area, you’ll experience a spillover effect to other areas of your life.


Next, set a big, specific goal with a deadline and work backwards to figure out how you can get there. Let’s say you want to save $25,000 by one year from now for a down payment on a house. That’s $2,083.33 a month, or $480.77 a week. How can you get that money? Can you stop eating out? Cancel all your subscription services? Sell your car and buy a cheaper one? Get a second job? Look at everything you are spending, all your earning possibilities, and any assets you have, and do the math. What steps can you take to get to where you want to be on the timeline you’ve set for yourself? In some cases, the timeline might prove to be a little ambitious once you start crunching the numbers, and you may have to push it back a bit, but you’ll do so knowing you’ve thought of every possibility and have a clear plan for success.


I find that measurable goals with hard deadlines are much easier for me to meet than ongoing goals to create regular habits or practices. In other words, I have a much greater chance of success with a goal like “complete x race on December 1” than with a goal like “workout for 30 minutes 5 days a week.” For any goal with a distant deadline, it helps me to create benchmarks along the way. For instance, if I wanted to save $60,000 in 3 years, in addition to coming up with a plan as I explained above, I’d also want to check in with myself at the one-year point and the two-year point to be sure I was on track. I’d probably also run the numbers every month, or even more frequently, to remind myself of where I’m going and make sure I’m doing what it takes to get there. Keep the big goal in mind, but break it down into smaller steps as much as possible. You want to see your progress along the way — it will motivate you.


Many people swear by the research-backed system of creating SMART goals: Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Relevant, and Time-Bound. Financial goals lend themselves very well to this framework, but what about less numeric goals like career advancement? You can create SMART goals there, too, with the right kind of planning. If your goal is to become an executive in a particular kind of company or industry, what skills do you need to develop to get there? What kind of experiences and exposure do you need? What do people in those positions do on a regular basis? Your goals might include things like meeting a specific number of mentors, attending a specific conference, lining up a certain number of speaking engagements or presentations, advancing to specific positions on a set timeline, etc. The idea is to be as clear as possible and to set deadlines to keep you moving forward. I don’t have any personal experience with career coaching, but I would guess that hiring a coach might be particularly helpful in setting and achieving career goals, especially if you aren’t sure of where to start or how to get to where you want to go.


There are different schools of thought about whether it’s advisable to tell others your goals, but I find accountability to be helpful. I don’t broadcast every goal to the world at large, but for bigger goals, I’ll usually tell a few people close to me and then give them updates on my progress. It’s nice to be able to share your excitement as you meet your goals and to have someone cheering you on.

Setting specific goals has the added benefit of bringing clarity and simplicity to your life. If you’re really focused on meeting one or two goals, other options will take a backseat to those priorities. Things you may once have done will seem unimportant or even like distractions from your goals. Where you once may have said yes without much thought, you’ll now say no as you look at the tradeoffs in terms of time, money, and attention. The further I go in life, the more I appreciate the value of simplifying and focusing on fewer things, so this is a big benefit in my mind. Setting a few concrete goals in one area of your live can in time end up changing your whole way of thinking.

What have your experiences taught you about goal-setting? What tips can you share? Tell us in the comments.

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