On Matrescence, the Transition into Motherhood

Photo of the author holding a baby and looking into the distance

A few days ago, I stumbled across a New York Times article from last year called The Birth of a Mother.  The piece discusses matrescence — the transition into motherhood — and some of the common emotional challenges experienced by new mothers.  I could relate to much of what was in the article, particularly the part about ambivalence.

In my experience, few new mothers talk about these things openly.  Our society tends to focus far more on the baby than the mother, and once birth has occurred, we expect mothers (and fathers) to be themselves again in no time.  Many women internalize these unrealistic expectations, and they hide the disappointment they inevitably feel because they believe they are supposed to be feeling pure joy.

Read more

Imagining the Ideal Life

Black and white photo of a wooden bridge in the woods

Yesterday I had the pleasure of conducting mock interviews of law students in preparation for the upcoming interview season.  They were eager and well-prepared, looking out at the endless possibilities that lay ahead if them.  I asked them where they saw themselves five years after graduation, and I answered their questions about my job, including what had led me to it, what I loved about it, and what, if anything, I might change.

When I was in their position ten years ago, I hated the “where do you see yourself in x years?” question.  I had no real vision for my future.  I guess I figured if I followed all the recommended steps — work hard, get good grades, network, get a good job at a big firm — everything would fall into place and I’d end up with the life I was supposed to have, whatever that was.  I really didn’t know enough about the world or myself to know what I wanted my life to look like.  I could recite answers to interview questions, but the visions I described were really other peoples’ ideas of what a good life and career looked like.

Read more

I’m Happy to Be a Working Mother. Really.

High-heel shoes and a watch next to a teddy bear and play mat

Now that I’m back at work post-maternity-leave, well-meaning friends, family members, and colleagues ask me how it’s going, often with a look of sympathy in their eyes.  I think some of them expect me to say I’m exhausted or I wish I could stay at home.  Several have voiced their assumptions in the form of questions: It’s tough, isn’t it?  Don’t you just want to cry when you get those texts with pictures of your little one?

Read more

Understanding the Declining U.S. Fertility Rate

Photo of a mobile over a crib

A few days ago, data was released showing that the fertility rate in the United States – the number of babies born per 1,000 women of childbearing age – hit a record low in 2017, for the second year in a row.  The fertility rate has been declining every year since 2008, and the 3% drop from 2016 to 2017 is the largest single-year decrease since 2010.  The New York Times published an article about the phenomenon in Thursday’s paper with the headline “Fertility Rate Again Falls to a Record Low, Confounding Demographers.”  It seems no one can figure out why women between the ages of 15 and 44 aren’t having as many kids as they once did.  As a 33-year-old woman who conceived my first child in 2017, perhaps I can shed some light on the topic. Read more