Anyone who knew me when I was younger would surely tell you that I did not have an innate interest in fashion. One of my good friends from high school followed all the trends, knew what brands celebrities were wearing, idolized Carrie Bradshaw, and aspired to a career in fashion merchandizing. I occasionally picked up bits of knowledge from her, but otherwise, I was pretty clueless. I bought most of my clothes from the clearance racks at places like Kohl’s. As a result, I often dressed more like a grandmother than a stylish teen or 20-something. When I interviewed for my first post-college job, I wore a too-tight ivory suit from Target, and one of the interviewers kindly told me afterward that I had neglected to clip the “X” of thread at the back hem of the skirt that held the two pieces of the slit together. When I had to attend business professional events in college, I didn’t own an actual suit, so I paired non-matching black pants with a black blazer in a completely different fabric (although in retrospect, perhaps they were different enough that I actually pulled this off despite not knowing any better). Read more
I typed this list into my phone early one morning while I was laying in bed and had a moment of clarity. It was 7:14 AM on Monday, January 16, 2017, Martin Luther King Day, before I was a mother and almost exactly a week after I started this blog. I don’t recall exactly, but I think I was writing this list as a guide for myself, based on lessons I’d learned but of which I sometimes needed reminding. It wasn’t well thought-out and I haven’t edited it, but I think it contains some gems of wisdom that are worth sharing, even if I don’t always follow all of these suggestions myself. You’ll probably notice themes that have appeared in other posts I’ve written.
How to Love your Life:
Be grateful for what you have
Get comfortable in your own skin; appreciate what your body does for you and realize that there’s no such thing as perfect
Forgive yourself for your past decisions and actions; understand that things you did and said in your youth were influenced by childhood experiences
Remember that this is the only life you get and it can end at any moment
Go to therapy. If you aren’t already living a life you love, you can probably benefit from talking to a therapist. There are likely things holding you back that you don’t realize. A therapist can help you see them and work through them.
Do something to benefit others
Make time for your hobbies. If you don’t currently have a hobby, think about what you loved doing when you were younger, or try something new.
Try something new. Variety, adventure.
Realize that your reactions to other people often say more about you than about them. When someone frustrates you, angers you, or annoys you, ask yourself why. Are your reactions valid? Are they based on objective truths? Does your response benefit anyone, or will it only make you and others feel worse?
To this I would add: If you aren’t living a life you love right now, make a change. It could be a big, scary change that will really shake things up, but even a small change will do. Just don’t allow yourself to stay stuck for too long. Your time here is limited, and really, what’s the worst that could happen if pursue the most amazing life you can imagine for yourself?
“There is freedom waiting for you, On the breezes of the sky, And you ask “What if I fall?” Oh but my darling, What if you fly?”
― Erin Hanson
Thanks, as always, for reading. If you enjoyed this post, please share.
The summer vacation season is upon us, and the weather here in East Tennessee is already getting hot and humid. Whether you’ll be lounging on the beach with a book or staying in your air-conditioned home avoiding the heat, the lazy days of summer are a great time to do a little reading. Most of the “Best Beach Reads” lists out there tend to focus on novels, but as someone who reads a lot of nonfiction, I thought it would be fun to round up some of my favorite memoirs and inspirational books that I’ve read over the past few years. Here they are, in no particular order:
One of the things I miss most since becoming a mother is having blocks of quiet time to myself to really focus on something — reading, writing, or other creative or intellectual pursuits. Both my job and my hobbies require focused attention. I do a lot of thinking, analyzing, and writing, and those things are hard to do when distracted or in short blocks of time. When I do have quiet time at home (which is usually late in the evening), it’s easy to let my tired mind zone out by watching Netflix or clicking and scrolling online. During the workday, my brain often strays to the numerous little “to-dos” that I have to keep track of: remember to buy more diaper cream, get a birthday gift for so-and-so, pick out a picture day outfit for D, RSVP for the event on Saturday, etc. (This, for those who don’t know, is the mental load that working moms disproportionately carry.) Because I don’t get enough sleep these days, it takes discipline to stay focused on the task and hand and not let my brain run down all these rabbit holes all the time.
I’ve been struggling lately with some difficult feelings toward a person I can best describe as a frenemy. We’ve been part of a shared circle of friends for many years, but from the beginning there have been aspects of her personality and behavior that have irritated me. We became closer for a period of time, and I thought that she had outgrown some of the things that had bothered me about her. Then we drifted further apart again, and a couple of incidents led me to feel hurt and frustrated by her. (I’m being deliberately vague in describing this person and her perceived crimes both to protect her privacy and because I don’t intend this post to be an airing of grievances against her. I am fairly certain she does not read this blog, though, and most likely will not see this post.)
My attempt to address my legitimate grievances with her directly was not well-met. I had more or less resolved to simply let go of the friendship, but given our mutual friends, that isn’t very feasible. I have no intention of starting some kind of cold war, and I don’t like holding grudges. But I find it very hard to be my best self when interacting with this person. Criticisms and negative feelings seem to bubble to the surface more often than I’d like. That’s not the person I want to be or a state of mind in which I want to live, so I’m trying hard to understand my feelings and change the way I react to her.
