A reader sent me this question: 

How do you get on Facebook and not feel insecure when you see pictures of classmates who now have bigger houses/better jobs/more children/more money, etc.?

Great question, and a problem that I’m sure many of us struggle with.  First, some data:

There is a documented connection between social media use and not only depression and loneliness, but suicidal thoughts, at least in teens.  The link between social media use and negative emotions is not simply correlation, it’s causation.  In general, the more time we spend on social networks, the more likely we are to become depressed and lonely.  In one survey, “60% of people using social media reported that it has impacted their self-esteem in a negative way.”  Comparing yourself to others can lead to poorer well-being regardless of whether you think you compare positively or negatively.  Social media can make us feel pretty terrible, and it’s also quite addictive, which is a dangerous combination. 

Of course, social media isn’t all bad.  As reported here, in one study, 

Nearly 70% of respondents reported that they received emotional support on social media when times were tough, and many said their accounts offered a forum for positive self-expression. They were also able to create and maintain relationships online. 

So while cutting out social media entirely might be beneficial for some, that’s probably unrealistic for most of us.  Fortunately, there are ways to enjoy the benefits of social media while avoiding some of its worst downsides.  

1. Set strict time limits for yourself.  A recent study found that limiting social media use to 30 minutes per day is optimal.  Alternatively, take a break from all social media for a week.  
2. Remember that you aren’t seeing the full picture, and what you are seeing might not even be real.  Most people portray themselves in the best light on social media, sharing successes far more than failures and posting only the most flattering photos of themselves.  Nobody’s life is perfect, and even the people who seem the most enviable on social media have shortcomings and difficulties.  People who frequently post about themselves might actually be compensating for low self-esteem or seeking external validation because they don’t feel completely content with their lives. 
3. Focus on why you chose the life you’re living.  Life is full of trade-offs.  If you have a smaller house than your peers, maybe that’s because you value simplicity, or you’re committed to reducing your carbon footprint, or you’ve chosen a meaningful life’s work that doesn’t pay very well, or you have different financial priorities.  That person with the larger house might be working long days at a miserable job to afford it or spending all weekend cleaning and maintaining it.  You made the choices you made for a reason.  You’ll be less likely to feel jealous of other people’s lives or discontent in your own if you are resolute in your decisions.  And if you aren’t happy with the trade-offs you’ve made, then make some changes.  
4. Let other people’s successes motivate you.  When you feel a twinge of jealousy, ask yourself what you envy about the other person’s life, and then think about whether you might want to try to get that for yourself.  
5. Unfollow anyone whose posts routinely make you feel bad.  I’ve unfollowed a lot of people on Facebook, and while I might be in a bit of a social media bubble now, my online experience is much better for it.  Observe how you react to people’s posts, and if that acquaintance who shares daily glowing post-workout selfies leaves you feeling lazy and inadequate, do yourself a favor and remove her from your feed.  You won’t miss seeing those posts.  
6. Follow pages and accounts that make you feel good.  There’s a page or a group for just about every interest you can imagine.  Look for content that makes you happy and curate your feed to be filled with that content.  
7. Seek real-life connection.  When you find yourself sadly scrolling or lurking on someone else’s profile and comparing yourself, close the browser or app and use that far-underutilized feature of smartphones: the phone.  Reach out to a friend and have a real, interactive conversation.  Make plans to meet up with someone in person.  Spending time actually talking to other people is helpful in several ways.  When you have a conversation with someone, particularly in person, you get a less-edited, less-filtered view of their life.  That might help you to realize that it’s not as perfect as you thought or that it’s not all that different from your own.  Real-life socializing can also interrupt negative thought patterns and get you out of your own head.  And in my experience, the connections you build through face-to-face interactions and phone conversations are just better — more authentic, interesting, and deep.  If you feel awkward about interacting with people outside the realm of messenger apps and texting, that’s a good indicator that you need to do more real-life interacting and spend less time staring at a screen.  Try it — you might enjoy it more than you’d expect.  

In today’s world, social media is a double-edged sword that can both help us to connect and make us feel lonely and not good enough.  More and more people are choosing to abstain from Facebook and other platforms for a variety of reasons, temporarily or permanently.  If social media is doing you more harm than good, don’t be afraid to step away for a while and see how you feel.  Breaking the habit is hard, as with anything addictive, but research suggests that it could really improve your well-being.   

What are your tips to keep social media from negatively affecting your self-image?  Have you limited your time on social media or taken a vacation from it?  Share your experiences in the comments.  

Further reading

If you enjoyed this post, please share.