On Matrescence, the Transition into Motherhood

Photo of the author holding a baby and looking into the distance

A few days ago, I stumbled across a New York Times article from last year called The Birth of a Mother.  The piece discusses matrescence — the transition into motherhood — and some of the common emotional challenges experienced by new mothers.  I could relate to much of what was in the article, particularly the part about ambivalence.

In my experience, few new mothers talk about these things openly.  Our society tends to focus far more on the baby than the mother, and once birth has occurred, we expect mothers (and fathers) to be themselves again in no time.  Many women internalize these unrealistic expectations, and they hide the disappointment they inevitably feel because they believe they are supposed to be feeling pure joy.

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Letting Go of Shoulds

Photo of the author on a golf course
Me, back when I sometimes played golf, and wore polo shirts

I have a confession to make: I don’t really like golf.  I mean, it’s okay.  If I were forced to spend an afternoon playing golf, I wouldn’t hate it.  I’d probably enjoy being outdoors and socializing as I made my way through 18 holes.  But I don’t love it.  The few times I’ve played a full round of golf, I got pretty bored by about the 11th hole.  Golfing is okay, but it wouldn’t be my first choice for how I want to spend my free time and money.

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Imagining the Ideal Life

Black and white photo of a wooden bridge in the woods

Yesterday I had the pleasure of conducting mock interviews of law students in preparation for the upcoming interview season.  They were eager and well-prepared, looking out at the endless possibilities that lay ahead if them.  I asked them where they saw themselves five years after graduation, and I answered their questions about my job, including what had led me to it, what I loved about it, and what, if anything, I might change.

When I was in their position ten years ago, I hated the “where do you see yourself in x years?” question.  I had no real vision for my future.  I guess I figured if I followed all the recommended steps — work hard, get good grades, network, get a good job at a big firm — everything would fall into place and I’d end up with the life I was supposed to have, whatever that was.  I really didn’t know enough about the world or myself to know what I wanted my life to look like.  I could recite answers to interview questions, but the visions I described were really other peoples’ ideas of what a good life and career looked like.

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