A Few Things That Are Helping Me Right Now

Man and child walking on a trail
It’s still safe and healthy to go outside.

Whew…what a whirlwind the last two weeks have been. I think I’ve read and heard the word “unprecedented” more in the last few days than in my entire life up to this point. We are all experiencing big changes and preparing for scary possibilities that seem to be growing more probable with each day. Worries abound, and maintaining some sort of normalcy right now is a real challenge.

A few of the daily habits I established at the start of this year are serving me well in recent days. Managing my mind has been particularly important — it’s easy to get caught up in the panic, read too many news articles, let nearly every conversation center on the virus and the economy, and lose focus on the tasks before me. To counteract these tendencies and combat anxiety, I’ve been doing the following:

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Overcoming Difficult Feelings Toward Challenging People In Our Lives

Photo of two people sitting on a cliff overlooking the ocean, with the words “Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle. —Ian McLaren” superimposed on top of the image

I’ve been struggling lately with some difficult feelings toward a person I can best describe as a frenemy. We’ve been part of a shared circle of friends for many years, but from the beginning there have been aspects of her personality and behavior that have irritated me. We became closer for a period of time, and I thought that she had outgrown some of the things that had bothered me about her. Then we drifted further apart again, and a couple of incidents led me to feel hurt and frustrated by her. (I’m being deliberately vague in describing this person and her perceived crimes both to protect her privacy and because I don’t intend this post to be an airing of grievances against her. I am fairly certain she does not read this blog, though, and most likely will not see this post.)

My attempt to address my legitimate grievances with her directly was not well-met. I had more or less resolved to simply let go of the friendship, but given our mutual friends, that isn’t very feasible. I have no intention of starting some kind of cold war, and I don’t like holding grudges. But I find it very hard to be my best self when interacting with this person. Criticisms and negative feelings seem to bubble to the surface more often than I’d like. That’s not the person I want to be or a state of mind in which I want to live, so I’m trying hard to understand my feelings and change the way I react to her.

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Ask Alexis: How Do I Avoid the Social Media Comparison Trap?

Painting of statuette reflected in mirror

A reader sent me this question: 

How do you get on Facebook and not feel insecure when you see pictures of classmates who now have bigger houses/better jobs/more children/more money, etc.?

Great question, and a problem that I’m sure many of us struggle with.  First, some data:

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Social Anxiety and Learning to Be Ourselves, Comfortably

Pastel portrait of a young man

The latest episode of The Psychology Podcast is an interview of psychologist Ellen Hendriksen, author of the new book How to Be Yourself.  Hendriksen is an expert on social anxiety, and I found the conversation fascinating.  The topic goes hand-in-hand with the spotlight effect, which I briefly touched upon in this post and have been meaning to discuss in greater depth.

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